PYTHIA / YANG
Hombros Delicados
Intro
Do you remember/
your very first kiss?
​
I wish that mine would
have been
on my shoulders.
​
I jump still, when people touch/ or
tap me there, as
I don't like them
to be touched/ or held.
​
Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine have led a field in psychotherapy into biophysical responses that have "stored" themself in the body of traumatized individuals, and developed methods to help release this stored trauma with trained professionals.
​
This particular essay focuses on one part I have seen as a common "stored" trauma of mine: the shoulder area.
​
This essay is entitled "Delicate Shoulders."*
​
*If you are feeling anxious at all, please take a break and step outside. This is meant in no way as a medical treatment.
Stored Trauma: A PhotoEssay
a Visual Narrative Segmented into Touch | Exposure | Safety | Love
& Subsequent Part II
Touch
What is a touch to you?
Are you taken, shaken?
Or are you repulsed?
Where once I felt violence
Now I just pull away...
from startled friends
and those who wish to be close to me...
​
This is an exercise in loving myself that I recorded.
I focus on my shoulders where there has been much stored trauma in my past.
​
It's not a medical treatment in any way, shape or form. Please contact a mental health professional if you are needing help.
​
Exposure
can you see me
can you feel me?
covering up / my stored pain?
nightrain/ another dimension
of time/ space and/ when touches on my body
were unauthorized/
unwarranted
and/ unwanted.
​
Let me show these shoulders of mine,
in my own time.
Safety
Do you remember/
your very first kiss?
​
I wish that mine would
have been
on my shoulders,
but only by people I give permission to.
​
So, do not touch me,
unless you ask me first.
Until then, do not be offended
if I recoil or ask you to
step away...
Love
I jump, sometimes, when people touch/ or
tap me there, as
I don't like these shoulders of mine
to be touched/ or held,
by just anyone.
​
Only gentle kisses,
and by someone I intimately trust,
and who has asked my permission to,
out of respect
and love.
Part II: Meta
A Lesson on Continued Personal Intimacy with My SELF
Take 1
The sorrows now my soul has known
all comes down to this
one striped
black and white truth:
I never knew ...
Take 2
...what true love was/
or how to even
begin.
​
Take 3: Recovery
How long I have waited
for an imperfect lover
a "love like no other"
instead of the most
highest version / of me.